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Why HOW You Play The Game, is More Important Than Ever

Posted in games, Play, self improvement, team building

May

It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game. Remember that saying? A few decades ago, it turned into, “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the ONLY thing.” And that’s when everything went to hell.

Do you think I’m overstating the impact of this idea on modern society? Think again. Our obsession with winning causes misery on a global scale. It’s the obscene profits of oil companies that cause horrific catastrophes. It’s the vilification of the homeless, poor and hungry. It’s the face of Bernie Madoff. It’s the glorification of greed and the ridicule of community.

From an individual perspective, there really isn’t much that’s more self-destructive than an obsession with winning. Witness “winning” posterboy Charlie Sheen.

Maybe, for some, winning is partying, drugs, alcohol, hookers and a mesmerized public watching all of the gory details. But, just maybe, Sheen is so afraid of being seen as an addict (the stereotypical “loser” in our society) that he fends off the idea with emphatic pronouncements that he is “winning!” Either way, a more pathetic sight is difficult to imagine.

What if instead of winning, Charlie was more interested in honor and service to others? What if he was more focused on being part of a team, rather than the center of attention? What if he was more interested in being happy than in being right?

I grew up with the same obsession with winning that most U.S. citizens have. (It’s a country of winners, right?) I spent many years paralyzed by my fear of failure and at the same time, ashamed of being a quitter.

When I became a parent I actively sought to change things. After a lot of reading and reflection, I realized that my obsession with winning, or more accurately NOT being a loser, was my main problem. I wasn’t focusing on HOW to play the game. I was just making half-hearted attempts at playing and then quitting when I didn’t immediately win.

When I started to focus on being OK with losing, I started to win more often. Let me repeat that: When I started to focus on being OK with losing, I started to win. I realized that being OK, and even embracing failure was a strategy that would make me a better player. Think about it. If you aren’t afraid to fail, you are more likely to take risks, right? And taking a risk, is the only way to win anything.

Taking on improv class (one of the many leaps I took after that) taught me some simple concepts that when followed, allowed me to work with others to create amazing performances on the spot. When I began to notice that the regular practice of these concepts was improving my life in other areas, I was again reminded that concentrating on HOW I did things was more important than focusing on what I hoped to achieve.

As humans we crave connection with others. We crave purpose. We want to be part of a team. We want to matter. Too often however, we think that the way to get these things is by distinguishing ourselves as the BEST. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with being brilliant and distinguished. The problem, however, comes when being the “winner” is our goal.

Take a step back and think about the concepts of honor, credibility, quality; doing what’s right, just because it’s right, not because it’s going to benefit you. Look around. These ideas are making a comeback.

In the information age, the benefits of a strong community are being rediscovered, and credibility is fast becoming the new social currency. Contrary to the teachings of the past, greed is seen less and less as a driver of human happiness. Mindfulness, awareness of the present moment, what you are doing and how you are doing it, is gaining appreciation for it’s many benefits.

So, perhaps it’s time to shine a light on how we are living life rather than on what we want to accomplish. Are we present with our loved ones? Are we helping others? Are we truly listening? Are we thinking about the impact of our everyday choices? How do you play the game?

(Photo by justaufo)